2.) my family/home life has stepped up. With Shannon working and the kids at daycare/preschool, my mornings are busy getting kids dressed and ready and sometimes driving them to school. Once Shannon and the kids get home, we do dinner, baths and bed and then our my bedtime. Free time gets gobbled up quickly. This has been especially true in our first few months of this new lifestyle.

But probably the biggest reason I have not written is 3.) I have not had much I wanted to write about. Lots of cool things have happened, and I am loving our new life in Nashville. But I did not feel like writing about the “ordinary” aspects of life. Nothing wrong with ordinary, but it felt a bit trite and commonplace describing the inns and outs of my life. I needed something else to motivate me.

I think I have found my tonic for post-lessness. On Sunday nights at our church, I am facilitating a small group study on the prayer of Jesus. It is based on the book The Prayer of Jesus by Dr. Ken Hemphill. Prayer has been a major driver of my spiritual growth these last 12 years or so since my rededication so I am excited to be in this study. We have 14 of us in the class. We met last Sunday and will meet another 5 Sunday nights.

I will be writing some about prayer, the book and the group study here on my blog. Maybe be short posts or long, but thoughts on prayer. I expect it will help me in the discussion aspect of the study to think through some thoughts here. I am sure I will then mix in more the ordinary topics of life which I have eschewed, but now that I have something else to motivate me. Not that I can post every day, but more often than every 6 weeks which is the current pace.

Now I have said. Now I have to do it. Pray for me.

Wild year. One that is hard to encapsulate in a post. Shannon and I were talking on the drive to my parents for Christmas of what we did together in each of our 8 past Christmases. I could not remember last year, but Shannon remembered that our friends the Joneses watched Jacob, my parents watched Ava and Shannon and I took a “stay-cation” taking day trips to different parts of Tennessee. “That was last year. Just 12 months ago?” I replied. It seemed so, so long ago.

So much has happened in 12 months that it is hard to believe it all occured in the same year. Not just living in 3 different places, but our mindsets. In Springfield, knowing only that we didn’t know what our future direction should be. Going to Orange Beach in hopes of finding that answer, but unsure of when and how that answer would present itself. In Franklin, with a clear vision for our future but new challenges in our new lifestyle.

So many people tell you that time flies and that your life, especially with your children, passes too fast. Maybe I will hold that view at some point in my future, but I am 34 now, with a 7 1/2 year marriage, a 5 year old and a nearly 2 year old. My verdict: time is just creeping on and it is great that way. Jacob at 5 years of age, ready to start kindergarten in less than a year; yea, that sounds right. Hasn’t flow by to me. Nearly 8 years with Shannon; I seems longer because I can’t imagine life without my wonderful soulmate.

One thing I am probably going to regret later is using this quote from an 80s movie. At the end of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Ferris says: “Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Everyone seems to agree with the sentiment of how fast life moves, but many don’t apply the solution Ferris suggests. You have to make a concentrated effort to look around to keep your perspective. By looking around, I mean really thinking about what is happening in your life. Going back and trying to recount how you got there, like Shannon and I did trying to remember our past Christmases. But not just now and then, but fairly regularly. Sometimes looking at the big picture but other times looking at the immediate past. It is something I try to do, and I testify that it generally works.

I confess that some periods of your life are a bit more “ordinary” than others which makes it harder to recall, but that also means there are periods of your life which are quite extraordinary. 2009 has been that year. The greatest gifts I received this year, in order:

1. Jacob’s salvation.

2. Seeing the healing of grief in Shannon’s life

3. Receiving direction from God on moving to First Baptist Nashville and our new family direction.

4. Having a wild and unpredictable year which made my 12 months of living seem like 2-3 years of life.

My worst fear apart from the death or harm for my family is having a life without abundance. Without fullness or depth or excitement or challenges or opportunities or goals.  A mundane existence where the days blended together and your life feels like it is flying by you without you making an impact on it or it making an impact on you. 2009 was anything but my worst fear.

Predictions for 2010? Yea, right. Could I have predicted 2009? I won’t even try and make a fool of myself by doing that. But that is the fun of it. I don’t know what is in store and I can’t wait to find out.

I don’t think I have ever seen divorce this up close. I have had closer friends go through divorces, but it has not seemed as vivid as these two. I believe it is because of the children and their connection with Jacob. One girl became, in some ways, Jacob’s first girlfriend. She was certainly his best friend here. She would knock on the door after school and ask if Jacob could come out. They played little imaginary games, have little silly fights where one would leave angry or crying but then come back to each other in ten minutes to play again as if the fight had never happened. Jacob would talk about how pretty she was and how much he liked her, but it was always very innocent and without the connotation of a true romance.  A five year old boy and a five year old girl who were best friends.

She told Jacob she was going to travel to Arkansas for a long visit, but she would come back. I am sure that is what her mother told her, but they were never coming back. I spoke to the father, and he said she was depressed at motherhood and its loneliness, her weight gain since having the daughter and just discontent her life. There was no real strife or enmity within the marriage. The wife just wanted a new start.

As the weeks went by, Jacob still talked about the girl and how she was coming back. Then one day when Shannon was driving him home from school, Jacob began talking about her and he must have finally realized the reality of the situation. He began crying, and through the tears he said “She lied to me. She told me she was coming back, but she isn’t.” What do you say to something like that?

The other girl was a bit older than Jacob, but she would still play with him. When we met her, she was so sweet. Shannon felt she would be a good influence on Jacob. One day I saw her mom and made some small chat. She shared her husband had left her, and she did not know why. You never get all the details on marital troubles, and we only heard her side, but apparently there was no infidelity or growing embitterment. He just got tried of the marriage and left. It was the second marriage for both of them, with each having kids from the first, and together they had a 7 year old daughter and a 10-month old son.

Since then, this sweet 7 year old would still play with Jacob but now in a manner that was less sweet, not nearly as generous. I noticed that every time I would encounter her she would try to hug me or jump on me or grab me or ask me to pick her up.  One time on the common lawn, I was walking back with Jacob, and she ran up behind me and jumped on me. I gently put her down and kept walking to the house, but she persisted in this bizarre assault. As I was literally holding her off of me at arms length, as she kept saying “Spin me around. Spin me around,” I got concerned that neighbors would think it very odd of this young girl chasing this grown man.

You don’t need to be counselor to see how her father’s abandonment of the marriage was changing her view of herself and her need for love and affirmation. She is very pretty little girl who would flourish in loving and stable home. Now I worry about her future. Will she be promiscuous as a teenager and young adult? How will she view and trust men? Maybe she will turn out great. Maybe.

The best sermon I ever heard on divorce was from my friend Greg Methvin. It was soundly Biblical in holding up the standard of marriage but wisely pastoral in dealing with broken people and the hurt experienced through divorce. He spoke of the connection that two married people always have, that divorce can never truly take away. You become one, then are torn apart, but part of that person always remains with the other. The tearing also rips apart others, especially the children, but really all the people who were part of that one life you shared, including the 5 year old neighbor boy who adored your daughter.

Both trucks are nearly full with their belongings and ready to head out to their new locations. A new start they might say. But they might as well be empty. The stuff that really matters can’t be loaded into a moving truck and carted off. It will always be left behind.

I watched a movie a day and worked until past midnight.

Nearly all of my non-work/non-sleep time was spent in front of the TV. A small defense was that we got our new 50″ plasma HDTV that week so I felt obliged to “test” it out. But I watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy among other movies. That goes beyond just testing out the TV.

I started working from home right before I was married so I never really experience a home-work environment as a bachelor. I can confidently say that it is a lifestyle not healthy for me. I had nothing to stop my work day, and it was too easy to pick up later at night. I am in the midst of a very busy work season, but with my family, I know I need to focus on getting as much done as possible during the day so I can give them my time in the evening.

It definitely was not what I anticipated. I had these images of quiet evenings on the couch reading books or working on a project without interruption. I am sure if I was really a bachelor I would find a better balance in my life, but I was surprised at how unfocused my life was.

In my earlier post, my wonderful brother-in-law Wes made an insightful comment: “I hope you enjoy the quiet and solitude of this week and make the most of it. Not that solitude and “freedom” are better than the family life, but hopefully one will help you to appreciate the other all the more.”

My favorite singer is Sara Groves, and one of her songs is called “Painting Pictures of Egypt”.

I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I just want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I’ve learned
And those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned

The inspiration of the song is the Hebrews’ complaints as they journeyed out of Egypt. They went through a tough spot in the wilderness, but it was obviously a better situation than enslavement in Egypt. Yet, through their sinful self-centeredness they focused on the immediate pain and ignored the past difficulties while magnifying the good of those past times. Groves then ties that into our lives as we gripe and whine on the change of our life not noticing that God has grown us out of that past person and past life.

That was me. I got too wrapped up in the difficulties of raising two young kids and being in a family unit that I overlooked the changes God has done in me. I really loved my single days, but they had hard times too.  It is not about one season of life being easier or better than the another one. It is recognizing God is transforming us into the image of His Son, and each season is being used to take us further down that road. You can’t really go back to the old ways because you are no longer the same person who went through it the first time.

Last week was a blessing. I got to see an insight into my soul and the work God is doing. I got a reset on my attitude toward my present life. And I got to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I really do like those movies.

I am reminded how precious friendships are during the visit. Greg is truly one of my best friends, and despite not seeing each other very much in the last few years, we have reconnected rather seamlessly due to the nature of our friendship. It is truly a blessing from God.

Greg and Tori are missionaries to Argentina and will be heading out to the mission field next year. If you are interested in partnering with them for financial support, check out their website. Shannon and I are partners with them, and we feel priviledge to be able to work with people of this caliber who are called by God into this critical arena.

However, I also experience a deep sense of confusion and frustration. True, I did open and read at the middle rather than starting at the beginning. But even if I did the same to a John Grisham book or a college textbook, I bet I would still have a sense of the general tone, direction and content of the book. But with the book of Mormon, I was generally perplexed.

I thought that is how many, many people must feel who pick up the Bible and attempt to read it. I am so steeped in Christianity and church life that I forget how others who are outside the faith and only peering in must feel.

It is a great reminder that we have to build relationships with people outside our faith. We need to be giving them contacts to help explain the Scripture. Like the Ethiopian official in the Book of Acts who needed the apostle Philip to guide him, people need help understanding the Scriptures. Otherwise, they may do to the Bible what I did with the book of Mormon; try it for about 5 minutes and then toss it aside and order Chinese food.

Starting about 6 years ago, a little before I met Shannon, I became very cognizant of the idea of being a disciple of Christ and really obeying Him in my actions. I sense the church, or at least my church experience, was focusing too little on the growth of a Christian with too much emphasis on programs and not tools for personal spiritual growth. I decided to focus my life through that prism of discipleship. I reexamined all that I was doing and considered if it was making me more of a disciple or just a busier Christian.

I had the habit of daily Bible reading, and it had shown much fruit in my walk. However, I got to a point where I saw my life hitting stumbling blocks in spiritual areas and not growing as I once had been. I considered my daily reading a discipline and asked myself “Is this the best way to have God’s Word change me?” I decided I needed to focus on some new disciplines for a while. One of those was exchanging the daily reading, which had begun to be part chore and part prideful, pat-on-the-back routine, for deeper, less frequent readings.

It was also a time in my life of where I was struggling to manage my time anyway. With Jacob in the mix, my time seemed to dry up and so did my energy. Along with the added responsibilities, I got a bit lazy. Put all of this together – new spiritual focus, new lifestyle and a greater eagerness to veg out my stressed mind – my daily readings stopped.

I decided last year I was ready to change my disciplines again. Like before, I felt my growth as a disciple had stagnated and needed a new dose of spiritual disciplines to get out of the rut. In looking at my life, I believed now was the time to recommit to daily readings. Since Advent, I have been doing daily readings in the Common Book of Prayer. I spoken before of how much I love of the Episcopal church and its worship, and the CBP is at the top. It is a wonderful collection of daily office readings. Each daily reading has assigned passages of text from through out the Bible. One passage each from Old Testament, Gospels and New Testament (minus Gospels) and a two passages (one for morning reading/one for night reading) from Psalms. The daily passages typically take you through one book at a time, but sometimes they break off and select passages from the different sections which corroborate a common idea like Christ’s atonement foreshadowed in the Old Testament, shown in the Gospel and explained in the New Testament.

The CBP has readings for a Year 1 and Year 2. You choose the year based on the calendar. For example, I am in Year 2 because this year’s Advent started in an even number year. Of course, next year I will be in Year 1. Year 1 and Year 2 readings will take you through the entire Bible.

So far, I have only missed one daily reading which was due to being stranded in Detroit overnight on the scheduled day trip for the GSA meeting without my Bible (or change of clothes).  While I am not getting deep readings into the Scripture, I am see themes exposed in Scripture and get a chance to read books I typically would not read by choosing on my own volition.

I consider quality time to be what shapes his character and spirit. Time that begins to mold him in the man I hope him to be. In early times, his attention span and memory is so small that you mostly entertain and provide mental stimulation through games and interaction. But he is not, I believe, learning and observing deeper truths about your deep love for him and character traits like selflessness and patience.

As we are into the 3s, I notice much change in my son. I see his mimicing of Shannon and me in what he says and what he does, both good and bad things. I see his character and the innate sinfulness he inherited from his spiritual father Adam. I know this is a time to be conscious that Jacob is forming his values and beliefs, and thus, I want to make sure he learns the right values and beliefs from Shannon and me.

He is too young to give too many talks concerning these truths so instead they need to be modeled. I believe the best way to do that is with quality time where he gets the best of Dad as Dr. Robert Lewis spoke of his best memories of his father. Time where he can see my love him and then associated the values I am demonstrating as those which he should embody as well.

For the last month on Thursday nights, I have been taking Jacob to the YMCA to swim in their indoor pool and then go to McDonald’s later to play. He loves the pool and the games we will play. It is both funny and a little scary to be with him in the men’s room changing. Jacob is at the age where is 1.) very observant, 2.) very loud and 3.) completely tactless. He will see the other men changing and blurt out “Daddy, that man is naked. Look, he does not have any clothes on” or “I see that man’s butt” or “He has a big belly.” I don’t know what he is going to say next.

This is a challenge because it is easy for me to go into provider mode with Jacob and just focus my energies on providing his needs such as getting him to bed and fixing breakfast. Those are very important of course, but he also needs time just with me where I give him my complete attention. It is a challenge because I get tired from my other responsibilities, especially work, and want to zone out. I need this personal time, but I also have to have the discipline to push everything else aside and get Jacob the best of me.